Orange

I had just finished reading several chapters of Caesar. My clock said it was seven; dinner would be ready soon. I walked to the mirror, brushed my hair, and examined my face. As I studied myself, I suddenly thought of Cris.

What happened to him? Did he enjoy his trip to Pasuquin? What did he do when he found my store was closed? You took too long, Cris. I’m sorry, I couldn’t wait.

I turned to one side and looked at my figure. Was I gaining weight? I felt a little bloated. It didn’t look like I was getting fat, but I had to make sure. I removed my shirt and studied myself further. There was no sign of weight gain. Nonetheless, I’d take more walks to and from the store. No more tricycle rides. And doing so would save me money.

Maybe I was getting my period. That’d explain my bloated feeling, and why Cris irritated me so much. Regardless, PMS or not, that boy deserved what he got.

I stared at my face, squinting, frowning, smiling, going through my various expressions. What did people see when they looked at me? Was I really that pretty? Cris surely knew many other attractive girls in Manila. How did I measure up?

I shook my head and turned from the mirror.

As I wore my shirt, Mother knocked on my door. “Freshen up and come downstairs, Anna.”

I decided on a quick shower before dinner. I was starving!

I FINISHED my bath and was brushing my hair while heading downstairs. Suddenly, I froze in my tracks.

Cris was in the living room!

My god! Here he was, in my house, sitting on my TV chair, talking to my mother!

A flurry of emotions coursed through me. One was surprise—I was elated, thrilled he actually made it into my home! Another was embarrassment following the trick I played on him this afternoon. Yet another was anger—an invasion of privacy, my home, my TV chair!

I withdrew my emotions and feigned indifference.

Cris and Mother saw me and rose from their seats. Mother smiled. “Your friend is here, and he brought dinner! So sweet of him, don’t you think?”

Already charming my mother, I see. I looked at him.

“Hey, Anna.” He bent down, lifted a basket, and grinned. “I have your fruits with me, too.”

I crossed my arms, looked away, and stopped myself from smiling.

What a guy.

CRIS BROUGHT with him a feast—grilled steak, fried fish, boiled corn and vegetables, and garlic rice. Mother asked where he got the food. He said it was from Villa Nuñez. “I was in the area,” he explained, “near Pasuquin.” He gave me a sideward glance.

He asked her if she liked the food. Mother nodded a little too eagerly. He asked me if I was enjoying the meal. “It’s fine,” I replied and looked at my steak. It was so succulent! Were it not for Cris, I’d finish two pieces myself! But he’d think I was a pig, so I stopped myself.

Mother was delighted with him. Her eyes were beaming, and she was quick to build up my image.

“You know, Cris, even before my daughter finished her thesis, many big companies were already recruiting her.”

“I’m sure,” he replied. “She’s not only smart; she’s also very pretty.”

I frowned at him. How tactless. All those words, in front of my mother. I looked at her and was surprised she was actually buying it!

“Anna was always an achiever,” she said.

He nodded. “She’s got direction—another reason why I like her. I really like her a lot, honestly.”

How could anyone be so blunt!

“There’s so much to like,” Mother said. “She deserves someone who has much to offer. At least more than what Michael could give.”

My god! Cris’s shameless indiscretion was infecting my mother!

“Mama!” I called out.

She smiled at me.

I turned to Cris. He had a pleasantly surprised look on his face. “Michael?”

I rolled my eyes back to my mother. She chuckled and patted my hand. “He was Anna’s first boyfriend. She was fifteen. Or was that sixteen?”

I stared at my plate. Seventeen. But I didn’t clarify that. I wasn’t participating in this discussion.

She shrugged. “Anyway, I found out through one of my friends.”

“Right,” Cris said. “A small town has no secrets.”

With tattletales like Mother and her group, this town would definitely run out of secrets.

“Michael was also Anna’s closest childhood friend,” Mother said, “so everyone thought they’d end up together. But the ways of the city are very different from our small town. I knew Anna would outgrow him. And so she did.”

And so they thought. I sliced a piece of steak.

“Besides,” Mother carried on, “I had hoped my daughter would be a good influence on him. But Michael insisted on being with his other friends. I became very worried when even Anna started joining them. But she always had to eventually go back to Manila. And for this, I was glad.”

Giving away my love life was one thing, but this was getting out of hand. I anticipated my mother’s next words, in case I needed to stop her.

“I’m glad my daughter left him,” Mother said. “She deserves someone better. A good man. Someone who can take care of her.”

That’s right—a good man who would take care of me. I looked at Cris. How far was this one willing to go to actually do that…

“She’s a handful,” Mother continued. “She’s extremely willful and independent, and she oftentimes surprises me with what she does.” Mother thought to herself. “Maybe that’s because she grew up alone in the city. Because her father and I forced her to live there, all by herself.”

Everyone was silent.

“It is very easy to misunderstand my daughter,” Mother then said. “Some may think Anna is a spoiled single child, that she’s self-centered, inconsiderate, too liberated because she is a city girl, or do not upset her because she can be very destructive and cruel. Well… they do not know her at all. Who are they to say anything about my daughter?”

“I’m sure she’s not that bad,” Cris said.

Mother chuckled. “Are you sure?”

Cris studied her for a moment and then glanced at me.

Mother nodded. “But yes, Anna has something very good to give from within her. Maybe you’ll be lucky, Cris, and she will give this to you. But, as her mother, I recommend she first give this to herself.”

“What are you talking about, Mama? Give myself what?”

She looked at me. “For a very bright girl, these very simple things you still don’t understand. How can you give to others, when you barely have enough for yourself?”

“Barely enough for myself?” I scowled. “Stop being so cryptic, Ma! Give what?“

“Love, Anna. How simple. You want to give love to others? Do you think you have done enough to love yourself?“

DINNER WAS over. Cris volunteered to help wash the dishes. Mother smiled and volunteered me as well. She thanked Cris for the meal and went to her room upstairs.

“Impressive,” I said as we began washing the plates.

“What is?”

“Your gimmick. You managed to get into my home, sit on my TV chair, and even have dinner here. You even saw a very private family moment when Mother started criticizing me—again.”

He studied me. “So… I did a good thing, or bad?”

I glanced at him but said nothing. Take a wild guess, Cris. I went back to cleaning the dishes.

He was silent for a moment. He then shrugged. “Well, I guess you’re really starting to fall in love with me.”

I looked at him. “What? Of course not!”

He looked at me. “So… you’d rather love yourself?“

I knitted my brows, looked away, and washed the dishes. I wasn’t falling for this.

He chuckled. “Listen, what I’m saying is, why are you acting this way? If I meant nothing to you, you’d be like, ‘whatever,’ and wouldn’t care. But here you are, acting so… I don’t know… defensive.”

“Defensive? Since when?”

“Since forever! Like you’re always guarding yourself against everything. First of all, just look at your mom—why on earth did you think she was criticizing you earlier?”

“What didn’t you understand? The part where she called me selfish, stubborn, destructive, and cruel?”

“She never said that! She said the others called…”

“What would you know!” I snapped, my tone rising.

He backed off. “Fine, I’m sorry. That’s between you and her. Let’s talk about me, then. Look at how you act towards me, like I’m some kind of adversary you’re all fenced up against. Just look at that wild goose chase you made me go through this afternoon. That’s…”

“I’m sorry. I was wrong.” Yes. Looking back, it was a bad joke.

“No, it’s okay. You were pissed off, so I get it.”

At least he easily forgave people.

“Still,” he proceeded, “it’s like you’re always trying to get one step ahead of me, reading why I’d do this, studying why I’d do that. It’s like you’re in some kind of chess game, strategizing how to…”

“Okay then—give me one specific time I was defensive.” I looked at him.

“Like… this afternoon, when you…”

“Cris? About this afternoon—didn’t you just say you ‘get it?’ But now, you suddenly don’t?! Why don’t you make up your mind! Or better yet—think harder!”

He sighed. “Anna, I don’t keep track of who did what wrong or…”

“You don’t keep track? So you have no basis; you have nothing! Yet here you are, accusing me of being, what was that—defensive?” I shook my head and returned to the plates.

“Yeah. Because you are.“

“Fine. I’m defensive. Happy?”

“And you love me.”

“Sure, I love you. Now, please stop talking and clean the dishes.”

“Come on. There’s nothing to guard against, okay? I’m just being me, and simply me.”

Me, me, me. It’s all about me.

“Anna, just…”

“Cris. I already have you figured out. Why? Because you are simply you! You act, I watch. You speak, I listen. Show me something, I look. And this basic observation tells me who you really are.”

“But…”

“And that’s all there is to know!” I resumed scrubbing the plates.

He tried to control his growing exasperation. “Okay. So I threw a lot of crap that first time we went out. And the next day I flake, which was totally fucking stupid of…”

“Will you please stop swearing?”

“I’m sorry. Fine, so I screwed up. I guess I hardly did anything right. But I’m trying…”

“And stop using that ‘poor me, I always mess up’ pity-me approach. It’s pathetic.“

“What?” His voice was broken, hurting. “But I’m not… Anna, just give me another chance.”

“Why?”

“Well… Because I…”

“Because what!” I interrupted him. “Can’t you say it straight? How will we ever understand each other if you don’t tell me what you want to say!”

He rolled his eyes. “Jesus.”

“I said, stop swearing! And if you can’t help it because, ‘Oh, this is who I am, Anna!’ really Cris, please—spare me your westernized profanity.”

He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I just can’t help it sometimes.”

I refused to comment on his flimsy words.

“Anna, just let me in.”

“I did. And you stood me up.”

“I know, but…”

“Me! Of all people.”

“Look…”

“I am looking, Cris! If you have anything else to say, then say it!“

He was silent.

I narrowed my eyes. “You see? Once again—nothing.” I scoffed at him, returned to the dishes, and tried not to smile.

What now, Cris? How far were you willing to go—for me!

He stared at me for several moments. “Fine! So it’s hopeless! I’ll just finish this stuff, and I am leaving you alone for good!”

I glanced at him. He angrily slotted a plate onto the rack. I looked away and was suddenly confused. Wait… that’s it? He’s giving up?! He wasn’t going to fight for this? He wasn’t going to fight for me?!

You are not turning your back on me, Cris! I am not yet done with you! Think, Anna, do something, regain control. Bait him, lure him back—before you end up losing him! Before he walks out the…

Glass shattered! I jumped and was jolted from my thoughts! A plate had slipped from the rack and crashed on the floor.

Cris and I stared at the broken glass. He then shook his head, got on his knees, and began picking up the shattered plate. I watched for several moments as he quietly gathered the broken pieces.

I then began to realize I was being too harsh. I believed he could do it; he gave it his best, but I pushed him too far… I should cut him some slack; I should give him another chance.

And he was right—he intimidated me, I didn’t want him to hurt me, I was being too defensive…

I wanted to apologize for mocking him, for playing my games. Instead, I got on my knees and helped him.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“It’s okay, Cris. It’s just a plate.”

Together, now, we picked up the broken pieces in silence. I then got a broom and swept the remaining bits. He resumed cleaning the dishes.

“I’ll be more careful this time,” he said with a weak smile.

I glanced at him and smiled back. I’ll be more careful as well, Cris.

And I am sorry, too.

AFTER WE finished washing the dishes, I walked Cris to the gate.

“Thanks for dinner,” I said. “It was really good, especially the steak.”

“I’m glad you liked it. And thanks as well for, you know… letting me in.”

I smiled. “My mother let you in, not me.”

He smiled back. “Right.”

He took a cigarette from his pocket and lit a stick. I watched him as he smoked.

“I hate smokers,” I then said.

He looked at me. “Really? So that makes me an exception. Because you love me.”

I chuckled. “Cris, please. Stop it.”

“Why do you hate smokers?”

“Because.”

“Because?” He grinned. “You should complete your sentences, you know. How will we ever understand each other if you don’t say what you want to say?”

I smiled. He was mirroring me, too… Interesting.

“Because Cris, my father died of a heart attack. He smoked too much.”

Cris nodded and thought to himself.

“Actually,” he then said, “I can quit if I really want to.”

“Sure. I believe you.”

“Seriously, Anna. Just you wait.”

I swept away the smoke with my hand. “If you quit, people close to you will appreciate it. Like your girlfriend.”

He scowled. “I doubt I’d stop all because of her.”

I doubted that as well.

“Then think about the people you care about,” I said. “Your future family, your kids.”

“No,” he replied. “I won’t think of them when I quit. If I stop, I’m doing it for me.”

I paused for a moment. Doing it for you, and you alone? I liked that…

Cris took another puff. We were silent for a while.

“Hey,” he then said, “since I’ve been to your place, you should visit mine.”

I raised my eyebrows a little. “So, you’re asking me out again?” I was suddenly aware of my words. I scolded myself silently. No more games, Anna.

“Well, sure…” he replied. “If you’d like that.”

I more than just liked that. “That’s fine, Cris.”

“When are you free?”

“Tomorrow,” I said. “Morning,” I added.

“Okay. Breakfast sounds good.”

“No. I meant… I’ll be free starting tomorrow morning.”

“So… you’re good the whole day?” He started smiling.

I hesitated; I was already lowering my guard. “Yes, the whole day.”

“Great… I’ll have something planned out.”

Good. He’d make the agenda. Tomorrow, I’d take everything in stride.

“It’s actually a beach house,” he continued. “So dress in… whatever you want?” He grinned.

A day at the beach… I’d finally see what lay under his tank top…

“And if you liked the food this evening, we’ve got more,” he said.

That’s right. More… I wondered if what lay under his shirt would be even yummier… I started to smile.

“Why the smile, Anna?”

“Nothing.” Read my mind, Cris. I smiled at him even more.

“Okay… So… I guess I’ll pick you up at nine then?”

“You’ll pick me up—” I looked into his eyes. “At nine?”

He held the gaze. “Why, you want sooner?”

We stared at each other for several moments. He wasn’t letting up the gaze. I started to smile… And then—I wanted to laugh with delight!

I looked away, bit my lip, and stopped myself from smiling.

“Anna.”

I cleared my throat. “What?”

“May I kiss you goodnight?”

God, he was so fast.

It was so thrilling!

“No,” I replied. “You stink!” I frowned at his cigarette.

He rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Fine, fine.”

“Cris, really. Smoking is bad, so please stop. Do it for you.”

He studied me for a few seconds. “Do it for you?” He nodded. “We’ll see.”

He then smiled. “So, goodnight then.”

“Goodnight.”

As I returned to my house, I was nothing but smiles.

Tomorrow, Cris would be in for a treat.